Chapter Thirteen

“Still no sign of her,” Jonathan said as he entered the room. Chris was sitting on the couch with Ty, worrying like crazy. Ty obliviously stared at Jonathan. “Mitch just called, said they've been looking all day. And they searched her room for any sorts of clues or whatever, but they haven't found anything.”

“I can't believe she would just leave like that,” Chris said, shaking his head. Jonathan sat down beside him. “Why would she leave?”

“Maybe she just...” Jonathan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don't know.”

“At least she didn't take Ty with her, the stupid-” Chris began, his voice teeming with anger, but he stopped himself when Ty started to whine. “No, no, Ty,” he hushed, “don't cry. I'm sorry. Daddy's just a little stressed right now. But it's OK, we'll find mummy. You'll see her again soon enough.”

Chris pulled Ty a little closer to him, and Ty let his head fall against Chris's chest. Just watching them made Jonathan almost want to cry.

“She couldn't have gone far,” Jonathan offered as help. “She never really seemed like the type to go through with something like this anyway. Running away, I mean.”

Jonathan looked to the floor, and Chris stared across the room at the wall, absentmindedly patting down some of Ty's unruly curls. Then he turned to Jonathan and asked quietly, as if to make sure Ty didn't hear, “What if she doesn't come back?”

“Then she's the worst mother ever,” Jonathan simply replied. His eyes met Chris's and it was instantly as though he could read Chris's mind. “You would do fine raising him by yourself, if you really had to. I could always help, if you need it.”

Chris persistently shook his head as he stared down at Ty, and Jonathan was certain he saw a tear fall from Chris's cheek. “Ty's already going to have a rough life as it is. Teenaged parents who aren't together, one of whom is gay... that's bad enough. Then if he's down to just having a gay dad...” Chris sighed. “Sometimes I just wish I could go back in time and stop it from happening. I love Ty, but I just feel like I messed up his life.”

“Kirsten's just as responsible as you are. Besides, I thought you said Ty was a strong kid. He can take it.”

“If she doesn't turn up again, then she's more responsible for messing him up,” Chris said. Jonathan smiled at what he thought was Chris's attempt at feeling better about the situation, though he knew full well that Chris felt not one iota better about anything.

“He's not messed up, Chris, he's just a baby. He's not old enough to be messed up yet. And you can teach him to work with what he's got, so he won't ever be messed up.” Jonathan placed his hand under Chris's chin and lifted his head up. “If anyone's messed up around here, it's you, but you handle everything in ways that no one else could. If you can teach him to do that- or maybe he already knows, maybe it's genetic. But he'll be fine.”

As Chris stared with disbelieving eyes, Jonathan leaned forward and softly kissed him. “OK,” he whispered.

Jonathan let his hand fall and he sat back a bit as Penny strolled into the room. Wordlessly, she sat down in the chair opposite Jonathan and Chris and folded her hands in her lap. The four sat in silence for several minutes, the only exception being when Ty hiccuped a few times.

“What time is it?” Chris asked. Jonathan responded with a rough estimate, and Chris nodded a little. “I should feed Ty.”

He quickly lifted Ty and stood up. Ty rested against Chris's shoulder as Chris carried him into the kitchen.

Penny sighed deeply, then said, “I always knew there was something wrong with that family.”

“What?” Jonathan asked, looking up with slight bewilderment.

“Oh, they were always nice people, sure,” Penny said. “Hardly anyone around here as kind as they were. But there was just something off about them. Your father insisted that there was nothing wrong with any of them, and that I was just imagining things. Well, here we are well over a decade later and their children are two of the most mentally unstable...”

Penny's voice and thoughts trailed off, leaving Jonathan to feel like he should pick things up. “She'll come around, Kirsten will. I don't think she could actually leave and be gone forever.”

In the other room, Chris paused, his hand suspended in midair, holding a spoon up to Ty. He lowered his hand a little and quietly said, “Hear that? It's all going to be good. If Jay says it, then it has to be true.”

Then he heard Penny speak. “Well, at least it's gotten us away from that chat... Chris is really not discreet about much, is he?”

“No, he's not,” Jonathan agreed. Chris laughed to himself a little.

“Everyone talks about me when they think I can't hear, I said it before, didn't I? It's true, but at least they won't say anything bad,” he said to Ty, giving a small nod in the direction of the living room. “Penny and Jonathan are far too nice for that.”

“He's not like that with everyone, though, I don't think,” Jonathan continued. “It seems like he doesn't trust most other people. Not that I blame him.”

“I have to thank you, you know that?” Chris asked Ty as he brought the spoon towards Ty's mouth again. “You may not be able to do much yet, but you really helped me. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be silently pining for Jonathan.”

Ty smiled at Chris, and Chris had a moment where he realized once again that he was a father, that this tiny creature in front of him was essentially a part of him. It made him smile back and nearly tear up.

“I guess this is the plus side, huh? We get to spend more time together.” Chris lifted his hand and tapped Ty on the nose. Then he sat back and observed Ty, twisting his mouth pensively. “I just wish you could talk. Then it would be a lot more entertaining.”

“He'll talk soon enough.” Chris had hardly realized that Penny had walked in, so it was with a bit of shock that he looked up at the doorway. “Hell, before you know it he'll be a teenager, running around and chasing after girls- or,” she waved her hand carelessly through the air, “maybe boys.”

Chris smiled and looked back at Ty. “He won't cause much trouble. Will you, Ty?”

“Yeah, you can keep telling yourself that until you're-” Penny paused briefly to shoot a weird look at Jonathan, who had just entered the room so quickly that he nearly crashed into the side of the doorway- “until you're blue in the face, but that won't make it true. In a rush, are we, Jonathan?”

“I was lonely out there,” Jonathan innocently replied. He stared at his mother with youthful eyes for only a moment longer, then squeezed past her and sat himself down beside Chris. “Listen, I don't want to think about when Ty's that old.”

“You don't want to think about it?” Chris laughed incredulously. “How do you think I feel?”

“We're gonna be, like, thirty,” Jonathan said.

“Yeah, and you'll... probably have your own kids.” Chris turned away from Jonathan, trying not to frown. Jonathan leaned over to try to catch Chris's gaze once more.

“My own kids?” Chris's eyes met Jonathan's with a bit of disbelief.

“You can't honestly tell me that you're not going to get married and have kids one day.”

“Well... I don't know.” Jonathan shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the table. “I mean, I didn't realize you thought about stuff like that... I never really thought about us not...”

“Jonathan,” Chris droned as if it was the millionth time he had to say it, “I love you, but it's completely unrealistic to think that we'll always be together. It's tough to hear that, I know, but it's something that I came to terms with the last time you dumped me.”

Jonathan lifted his eyes to Chris and quietly said, “I did that to help you.”

“I know.” Chris smiled and took one of Jonathan's hands. “And I'm pretty much glad you did. It's just that somewhere down the road we're gonna realize we want different things, Jay. And that's life.”

“So... is there even a point in us being together?”

Chris's eyes went wide and he looked like he was about to smack himself in the forehead because of all the ridiculousness. “Of course there is! Jay, do the words 'I love you' mean nothing to you?”

“I thought they meant nothing to you.” Chris groaned and fell forward dramatically, resting his head on Jonathan's shoulder. Jonathan, temporarily forgetting that he was a bit peeved, smiled and even laughed a little. “You know... maybe there are things that are a tad bit more important right now that we should be focusing on. Even though I love you.”

“Oh, what, like my missing baby mama?” Chris asked, his voice muffled by the fabric of Jonathan's shirt. He lifted his head and sighed, continuing on much more clearly. “I guess her whereabouts are a bit more pressing at the moment.” Chris dully rolled his eyes, and Jonathan laughed at him. Chris pecked him on the cheek, then turned to Ty. “Ty, maybe we should go for a walk. You know, we could keep an eye out on the way.”

Ty stared at Chris, blissfully unaware of anything Chris had just said. But Chris just pretended that Ty was able to agree with him. “Wonderful!” He quickly turned, accidentally, but not roughly, hitting Jonathan's arm with his hand. “Jay, come with us.”

“Hmm...” Jonathan paused for a long time in an attempt to build suspense, and possibly to annoy Chris. Chris wasn't fazed much, though. “All right. I've got nothing better to do, anyway.”

Chris smiled and shook his head, but his grin faded as he looked around the room. “When did your mum leave??”

“Probably once we started talking about us being thirty. I don't think she's ready to deal with that thought.”

“Hey, you're the one who said it first-”

“And you're the one who said that thing about me having kids!” Jonathan retorted. Chris thought for a few moments, then nodded.

“Then we are both to blame. Either way, let's go for a walk now.” Chris stood up and stretched a bit, the tiny bit of skin his shirt revealed as it lifted a little doing nothing to help Jonathan's still scattered mind. To be productive, Jonathan stopped staring and quickly walked around Chris, grabbing Ty out of his high chair and bringing him into the other room. “Hey...”

Jonathan kept walking into the living room, where he was reunited with his mother. Not long after, Chris came running in, and he stopped a few inches away from Jonathan. “Oh, hey, Chris,” Jonathan coolly said.

“Excuse me, Jay, I would like my son back,” Chris said. Jonathan turned his eyes to Chris, tilting his head.

“Nah, he seems pretty happy with me.” Jonathan looked to Ty and continued, “Aren't you? Aren't you happy with me? Come on, Ty, if we're going on a walk, you're gonna need a jacket and stuff.”

Jonathan left the room again, headed in the direction of the stairs and, presumably, Chris's bedroom. Chris raised his arms in the air as if to remark on how unbelievable his life was at the moment, and Penny just shot him a helpless look in return.

“I swear I don't know where he gets it from,” she said. “But maybe you should make sure he doesn't drop him or anything.”

“Oh God!” Chris exclaimed, then bolted out the doorway.

Much to his delight, Ty was safely in tact when Chris stumbled into his room, panting and shaking a little. Jonathan quickly looked at him, then returned to searching through the bag on Chris's bed.

“His jacket's on my chair,” Chris said, pointing towards the desk in the corner of the room. Jonathan stopped digging and looked over.

“Oh.”

As Jonathan went to fetch the jacket, Chris took the opportunity to resume control over his son. While Jonathan was turned the other way, he quickly checked to make sure there were no sudden marks on Ty. He sighed with relief when he found nothing, though perhaps a little too loudly.

“Geez, Chris, don't have a heart attack or anything. I wasn't going to let anything happen to him.” Jonathan stood beside Chris, holding out Ty's jacket. Chris took the clothing from him, and having nothing else to use his hand for, Jonathan placed it carefully on Chris's lower back.

Chris lifted Ty- now sporting his thick navy blue jacket- and held him close, narrowing his eyes at Jonathan. “You're lucky nothing did happen.”

“Yeah, or what?”

“Or I would have to...” Chris abruptly paused, his eyes darting back and forth between Jonathan and Ty. He seemed to be silently asking for help from one of them, but he certainly didn't receive any. “I don't know!”

“See, and that is why you should not make threats like that,” Jonathan replied, and he grinned smugly. Chris narrowed his eyes again, then briefly leaned forward to brush his lips against Jonathan's.

“Come on, genius,” Chris quietly giggled, “let's go.”

“Was that supposed to be sarcasm?” Jonathan asked, staring wide-eyed with concern, but by this point Chris had already left the room, Ty resting in his arms. “I don't even get why you would say that... Chris!”

Only once the three were standing just in front of the porch outside did Jonathan get a chance to speak to Chris again, but he no longer cared about Chris's previous statement. He was more focused on the cold, though it was not as bone-chilling as it had been a few days prior. Chris seemed preoccupied with this, too; he was very closely examining Ty, trying to tell whether or not the tiny baby was well-heated.

“Do you think he looks warm enough?” Chris asked Jonathan, eyes still stuck on Ty. “Are you warm enough, Ty? Maybe I should have grabbed his hat, too...”

“He looks fine,” Jonathan answered, though he wasn't exactly being truthful. Chris believed him anyway, and they began to walk to the sidewalk.

“One of these days, Ty, you'll be able to walk by yourself. Well, I mean, I won't have to hold you. Isn't that cool?” Ty blinked at Chris, but Chris thought he saw a hint of a smile somewhere in his cute baby face.

“He seems thrilled,” Jonathan sarcastically replied. “I know I would be.”

“I think it's cool.”

“I would much rather have people carry me around all my life.” Chris looked to Jonathan and smiled, his blue eyes shining as the sunlight snuck through the shelter of trees and hit his face.

“I wouldn't expect you to understand, Jay,” he said. “You're just a simple, carefree teenage boy.”

“And you're better than that?”

“I'm not carefree, I have a child to look after.” Chris hoisted Ty up his side a little further, as he had been slipping some. “And I think it's cool that this little guy will be like us one day, walking around and talking nonstop.”

“I think that's more like you,” Jonathan joked.

“Well, sure,” Chris admitted, blushing a little for almost no reason. His fingers were started to feel a little stiff in the cold, so he flexed them. “He is my kid, after all.”

“That's so weird...”

Chris brought his eyes up to meet Jonathan's. Even without further explanation he knew what Jonathan was talking about. “It is, a bit.”

“Do you ever...” Jonathan began, but something made him change his mind and he trailed off mid-sentence. Instead, he watched the cracks in the sidewalk pass as his feet glided over the paved surface.

“What?”

Jonathan thought for a second longer, then shook his head. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“No, tell me. Please?” It took Jonathan a few seconds to see the face Chris was making, since his eyes were still so attached to the ground; for several moments longer than he should have been doing so, Chris stuck out his bottom lip and batted his eyelashes a thousand times in a row.

When Jonathan saw Chris, he shortly laughed. “All right. I was just wondering if you ever regret... that... night,” Jonathan replied, trying but failing to come up with better terminology to describe the even he was referring to. As vague as his words were, though, Chris understood what he meant.

“Well... I mean, really, I regretted it before it happened...” Chris looked a little sad, but he tried to brighten up as he added, “I don't regret having Ty. I'm actually really glad for him, even though it would have definitely been better for me to not be a father at sixteen.”

Suddenly Jonathan stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk, and after a few seconds Chris noticed, and he stopped, too. He didn't dare ask what Jonathan was doing, though it became clear quite quickly; Jonathan pulled off his right shoe and turned it upside down, seemingly trying to empty its contents onto the sidewalk. Chris saw a few tiny rocks fall out, and as he watched Jonathan put his shoe back on, he couldn't help laughing a little.

“What?” Jonathan innocently asked. “Those rocks were killing me.”

“I'm sure they were,” Chris said with a smile. “How'd you manage to get rocks in your shoes, exactly?”

Jonathan took the few steps that had distanced himself from Chris, then they both began to walk on. Jonathan shrugged and made an odd noise by pushing some air past his nearly closed lips. “Beats me.”

Chris was going to reply, but decided to just laugh again and shake his head. Then there was silence as they walked down the road towards the corner of the street, where they would probably turn around and head back home. Another person was walking in the opposite direction, hands shoved in the pockets of their jacket, the hood of which was covering their head entirely as they stared at the ground. Chris wondered if that person even realized they were walking as well, or maybe they would just bump into each other.

It seemed as though the other person did recognize their presence, and even tried to completely avoid the boys altogether. But as the mysterious stranger passed by, something clicked; Jonathan's head turned and he loudly exclaimed, “Oh my God, Kirsten!”

“What?” Chris immediately asked. He turned around fully, and the hooded figure had stopped, as if Kirsten knew she'd been caught, but for some reason she thought she might get away with it if she began to walk away fast. “Kirsten!!”

This time she stopped and turned to them. A guilty smile spread across her face, and even though they had certainly recognized her, she kept her hood up as she strolled over to the boys.

“Hey... guys...”