Chapter Nine

Chris tapped his foot as he waited in line. After returning Ty to Kirsten's, he had traveled to the shop in town to pick up a few things. Penny had offered to drive- insisted, actually, but Chris refused. He found himself recently bestowed with a mass amount of energy that he needed to find some way to burn off, thus he chose to travel by foot. In fact, he was filled with so much energy that he ran from Kirsten's house to the store. Even then, he wasn't remotely close to being tired.

The line had only moved about an inch since he took his place. He was third, luckily, so it wasn't as terrible as it could have been. But he had still been standing there for a few minutes, and only one inch seemed a little ridiculous.

Someone walked up behind him, and naturally, he ignored whoever it was. The few items he held in his hands were starting to weigh him down, so he shifted his arms a little.

“...Chris?”

It was a man who called his name, the voice very deep and very familiar. Chris cautiously turned to meet the eyes of the man, realizing only halfway through his movement just who it was. He was about the same height as Chris, with the same curly hair but a shade darker, and matching blue eyes.

“Alex!” Chris smiled, absolutely astonished. It had been at the very least a year and a half since he last saw his brother. This particular brother, anyway; his other brother had not been around in a much longer span of time. “What are you doing here?”

“I just stopped here to stretch my legs a bit and get something to drink,” Alex replied. “I've been driving all day. But I'm glad to finally be back. Did you walk here or something?”

“Ran, actually.”

Alex laughed. “That doesn't surprise me. Do you want a ride back up to the house, then, or are you just gonna run again?”

It only then occurred to Chris that Alex had not been informed of anything that had happened within the past year. He was surprised, but he knew he shouldn't have been.

“Uh... no one... no one told you?” The perplexed expression Alex was now displaying confirmed his ignorance. “I don't live with mum and dad anymore.”

“Oh.” The explanation did very little to clear up Alex's confusion. He shifted his eyes around for a bit, thinking, then asked, “Where do you live, then?”

“With my friend and his mum,” Chris said. He frowned and stared at the floor, his voice becoming lower and sadder. “You're visiting our parents?”

“Yeah. Well, I was under the impression that you'd be there, too.” Alex uncomfortably scuffed the floor with his shoe and tried to decide whether or not asking for further information would be a good idea.

“Would you-” Chris abruptly stopped mid-sentence; Alex quickly looked up to see if something had happened, but he found that his brother was still staring at the floor. Cautiously, Chris spoke again. “Would you take me with you? … I haven't... seen them for a while.”

A year, he thought to himself. It's already been a year.

“Uh, sure.”

They were mostly silent until they had both paid and were headed out the door. Chris was wondering if any of this was actually a good idea, but he didn't really want to pass up the opportunity to find out. Alex pointed out where his car was and they began to walk towards it.

“So, why are you visiting?” Chris asked. “Just because?”

“For the most part. It's been quite a while, eh?” Alex chuckled a bit and Chris smiled in response. “I figured the 'rents could tolerate my presence for a little bit.”

Alex opened the door to his car, Chris following along on the other side. It was an extraordinarily nice car, seemingly brand new. Chris figured that by now his brother must have become a successful whatever it was that he did, which was sure to please their parents. And maybe their happiness would be enough to forget, even just for a short period of time...

The ride seemed a lot longer than he remembered; maybe it was just his anticipation that was slowing down time. By the time the house came into view, he thought he felt his hands begin to shake, and his heart was beating a little faster.

Alex noticed Chris's ghostly expression, but chose to say nothing. He swiftly pulled into the driveway of the large estate, and within a minute or two they were standing in front of the door. Chris was apprehensive about going further, but Alex just pushed the door open and held it for Chris.

Chris took a step, probably the scariest step he'd ever taken. Everything looked the same inside the house, as he had expected; his parents had never been too keen on change.

“You'd think that people would make their houses more secure so random creeps wouldn't be able to just walk in off the street,” Alex said with a purposeful loudness. He shortly laughed and winked at Chris, who was in no mood to laugh back.

Instead, Chris stood staring at the doorway where his mother's voice was coming from. “Honey, get up! Alex is here. Alex! It's so wonderful to see you again...”

Her voice trailed off as her eyes fixed with disgust on her youngest son, though she'd made it her life mission to forget she ever had three children. The smile that had appeared on her face faded as she stood frozen in the doorway, her husband soon to suffer the same fate.

“Alex, my boy!” He froze, too, but his expression changed much more quickly than his wife's had.

Then there was only a tense silence looming in the air. Alex found it difficult to watch the interaction between his family, though he had no idea what it was like to actually be a part of it. He did notice the hateful stares shot at his brother, and the way Chris's eyes started to water.

Once he could handle no more, Chris slowly turned to Alex, and in a shaky voice asked, “C-could you take me home?”

Alex felt like a complete outsider, with absolutely no idea what was going on, but he nodded his head in agreement. It was strange to hear Chris call any other place home; even though he had moved out years ago, Alex still thought of it as his home.

Chris left through the door first, and Alex turned to see his parents once more before leaving as well. They hadn't changed expressions, but they were both staring at the floor now rather than their estranged son. Alex muttered something about being back in a short while, then followed Chris.

Chris informed Alex roughly where his new home was, then leaned his head against the window and stared blankly. He really hadn't expected anything more or less from his parents, but it still hurt. The way his mother had looked at him, as if he wasn't anything more than a worthless clump of mass that was taking up space in her precious foyer. And to top it all off, he was unfortunately hit with memories of the last time he had seen his parents...

*

It was raining, the sky a dark and ominous color, but Chris couldn't have been happier. After a month of staying with Penny and Jonathan, he was finally going home. Penny had been kind enough to drive him, as she was headed off to work anyway and his house was along the way.

Now he stood at the door, backpack in hand, waiting for his parents to answer the door. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that it would have been weird for him to just walk right on in, so instead he knocked.

“Oh, Chris!” his mother exclaimed as she opened the door, pulling him inside and giving him a hug that nearly suffocated him. “It's great to have you back.”

“It's great to be back,” Chris happily breathed. He tried to soak in the happiness for as long as he could. “Where's dad?”

“He's around here somewhere.” She finally released him, still as bubbly and bright as ever. “Why don't you go put that up in your room?” she asked, pointing to his bag.

There it was. Chris knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to even think about unpacking. He started to get a little anxious.

“I want to talk to you guys about something first.” He tried to remember everything that Penny and Jonathan had said to him in encouragement. First, remain calm. He clasped his hands in midair to control any spasms. “Can we sit down in the other room?”

“Of course.” She sounded a little apprehensive, but moments later they were sitting in the next room over. Chris's father was just finishing up something he'd been working on, then he entered and sat down beside his wife. Chris was sitting in a single chair opposite his parents. It felt almost like he was being interrogated, even though he was the one who asked for the meeting.

“What is, sweetheart?” Chris's mother asked when minutes of silence had passed. Chris thought for only a second longer, then looked up and smiled.

“What exactly is it that you want me to do? You know, with my life.”

“Well,” his father began, “first, finish school. Keep getting good grades. Then, get into a good college, become something like maybe a doctor, a lawyer. Marry a nice woman-” Chris inwardly cringed, “-raise a family of your own. Teach them just like we've taught you. I think that's a fairly simple overview.”

“OK.” Chris took a deep breath and told himself the next step: Don't be afraid. That one would be a little harder to accomplish. “I can't do that.”

That such a simple statement could evoke such disappointment only made Chris fear worse for what he still had yet to say.

“What do you mean?” his mother asked.

“You're not failing your classes, are you?” his father asked with a slightly raised voice.

“No, I'm doing fine in school.” Chris sighed again and tried to compose himself. He really wasn't doing well with not being afraid. “And...” he quietly added, “well, Kirsten's thinking about keeping the baby, so I guess I'm already starting a family.”

“She's what??” his mother nearly shrieked. Chris shrugged as if to say that it wasn't exactly as if he had a choice (though he secretly was quite happy about Kirsten wanting to keep the baby), and she shook her head and calmed herself a bit. “Never mind.”

Chris was deeply regretting the whole situation now, but he knew he couldn't back down. It wouldn't have been right.

And lastly, Penny's voice played in his head, if they don't like it, we're always here for you.

“I can't get married,” he said. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to say, but it was a start. A start, and now he definitely couldn't go back. His palms were getting a little sweaty.

“Of course you can!” his father exclaimed as if Chris was just being silly. “Why wouldn't you be able to get married?”

“Well...” The room felt very hot now, and Chris looked out the window behind his parents to find some sort of distraction. It looked like the rain was clearing up a bit. And suddenly he thought of a way to take a detour. “Do you guys remember when I was little, maybe five or so, and you brought me over to the Helsby's for that play date? Remember that?”

“Sure.”

“And you tried to get me to play with Marina... but I only wanted to play with Mason...” Chris paused, hoping his parents would catch on before he vomited in the middle of the room.

“I'm not sure I'm following, dear,” Chris's mother frowned.

“I just feel like... it's sort of representative of my life...”

They still weren't understanding it. Chris silently screamed at them to just put two and two together so that he wouldn't have to say anything. Alas, it didn't work.

His father spoke again, sounding rather irritated. “Chris, please, plain English.”

Chris cowardly looked down at the floor. His voice started off normally, but rapidly increased in pitch and speed as he said, “I can't do what you want me to, I can't get married because I don't want to get married to a woman. You're always setting me up with all these girls, but I don't like any of them because they're girls, and I don't like girls. I never have, but I tried to think that I did and it didn't work because I'm gay.”

Chris was breathing heavily, waiting for his parents to react. He really couldn't take it back now.

He had expected his father to freak out the most, so he was very surprised to hear his mother's voice say, “Get out.” That was after she laughed in disbelief. Chris almost wished she had continued with the laughter.

He slowly looked up, bottom lip trembling. “What?”

“Get out,” she repeated, her cold manner giving her the appearance of stone. “You can take your things, all of your things, if you wish, but I want you to leave as quickly as possible and never come around here again.”

Chris felt his heart break, the pain just bad as when Jonathan had dumped him nearly a month prior. Except this time there was no hope left in him; at least with Jonathan, he knew they would still be friends, and for now that was good enough for him. But his own mother, the woman who raised him for the entire sixteen years he had been occupying this planet, wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Just for trying to be himself.

Chris's father hadn't said anything by the time Chris left the room to pack as much as he could and call Penny at work to have her come pick him up again. Her tone was so sad when he asked her, but she agreed without a second thought. Chris felt extremely grateful to have someone who actually cared about him.

As he stepped outside and stood on the porch of his house for what he assumed would be the last time, he noticed that the rain had let up completely; in fact, the sun was shining. And he noticed as he looked up at the sky that there was a rainbow forming. He thought maybe the weather was trying to mock him.

When he watched the house fade into the distance as Penny drove down the road, it felt like a part of him died. He knew that his parents weren't the greatest, that they were obviously controlling and narrow-minded people, but they were still his parents, and he still wanted their approval more than anything else.

*

Chris didn't watch the house disappear this time. He couldn't bring himself to do that. The memories had already started playing by that time, anyway, so he was too wrapped up to care.

A few tears splashed down onto the door of the car as he was brought back to reality. They were nearly at the house now, so Chris further instructed Alex where to stop.

“So... what exactly happened?” Alex inquired as he stopped in the driveway and shut off the car. “Why are you living here?”

“I...” Chris tried to word it without giving too much away just yet. “I disappointed our parents, I guess. They kicked me out. Twice.”

“No way! Seriously?” Alex laughed, but stopped when he realized it was probably inappropriate. “It's just I never imagined they would actually do that to any of us. Of course, I didn't imagine any of us would do anything to make them, either.”

“I didn't think they would kick me out... I just thought maybe they'd be upset for a while, but they'd get over it. Obviously, I was wrong.”

“Why'd they kick you out?”

Chris sighed and looked up at Alex. “Because I like boys and not girls,” he plainly said. “They were not happy about that.”

“You...?” Alex appeared to be at a loss for words, so Chris nodded. “Wow... wow. Uh... well, I mean, it's certainly not what I would have expected...”

“Yeah.” Chris lowered his head again and frowned at his lap. But moments later he felt his brother's hand on his back.

“Hey, Chris, it's cool with me,” Alex assured him. “Just a little shocked, that's all.”

“Really? You're OK with it?”

“Yeah, of course.” Alex ruffled what little hair Chris still had. “You're my baby brother, I'll always love you. Nothing could change that.”

“Eh, I'm their son, too, but that didn't seem to matter much.” Chris shook his head and exhaled with a bit of force. “David wouldn't like it.”

“Yeah, well, David's a prick,” Alex bitterly replied. “Mum and dad have him molded into the perfect human being. Because it's terrible if you maybe want to do something you actually enjoy rather than sit in a stuffy room all day wearing a suit and rattling off a bunch of law jargon you're not even sure makes sense.”

Chris turned his head towards Alex and actually smiled. It felt nice to finally connect with someone- someone he was closely related to. He didn't think that had ever really happened before.

“I want to be a writer,” he happily said.

“I dropped out of law school my second year,” Alex replied. “I just got tired of it. But I'm making good money now, doing graphic design. Advertisements, that sort of thing. Do you think I should tell mum and dad?”

“Well, I don't know,” Chris began. “On the one hand, they won't be happy, but on the other hand, it's not like they can really do anything to you. How did you manage to drop out without them noticing?”

Alex nonchalantly shrugged. “It was pretty damn easy. I mean, they paid for it, but they seemed to think it was a good idea to trust me with the money, so it's not like they ever got a bill or anything. I think I will tell them. I was a bit afraid before, but... man, what you did, that took guts. I'm proud of you, kid.”

Chris froze for a moment, replaying Alex's words in his mind until he finally decided they were real. Then he beamed and his eyes lit up as he excitedly said, “Come inside with me, I want you to meet Penny and Jay!”